wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
