her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
