dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
