RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
