smell my finger.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
