I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
