She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
