I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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