Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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