Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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