My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
