Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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