i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
