I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
