my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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