The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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