Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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