I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
