We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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