if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've blown a few things in my day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Alive.
So much puke
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
