I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
pop tarts are not kleenex
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
