He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
