Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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