Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
