it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
