Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
