he laminated a picture of his dick.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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