i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
