the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
