if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
