Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
