ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
