I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he shaved USA in his pubs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
