I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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