If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
