I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
