How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
