Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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