Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
