1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i am craving dick and cupcakes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
