I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
