real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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