mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
