make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
