I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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