It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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