He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
