I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
