Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
