im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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