Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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