We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My bed smells like the plague
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
