i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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